In this blog, I am pulling away from my beloved erotica fiction writing to address the elephant that may be casting a dark cloud over your bedroom: Your sex partner’s dissatisfaction with your sex game. Before you say it, yes I know he or she may also play a role in the reason why fireworks aren’t popping off every time you’re sexing. So I will also give advice on what you should do if you find that one or more of the things I list actually falls on your partner and not yourself. So, here are the top 5 reasons your sex partner maybe rolling their eyes in the dark and faking orgasms all at the same damn time!
1.You have failed to learn your partners likes and dislikes. One thing I’ve learned over the years is that what may have driven a previous lover crazy in the bedroom, can be the very thing causing problems with your new boo. Old Boo may have liked you to lick the head a lot while allowing your hand to do most of the work in a blowjob. But New Boo may only want you to deep throat his dick. Your job is to learn what your current lover likes. The best way to do this is to ask questions. Don’t be afraid to say “Hey do you like the way I’m doing this” or “What do you think I could have done better.” Then try your best to meet their needs. Otherwise, you may find your lover wondering into someone else’s bedroom.
a. If you know that you’ve learned your lover’s body, but he or she has failed to truly learn what you like; then it is your duty to yourself and him/her to speak up! You don’t have to be mean or harsh, but say “Hey I like it like this, or no I’m not feeling the way you’re doing that.” Whatever you do, don’t expect them to just figure it out. Remember their techniques may have worked for someone else, but your body is different and unique.
2.You have too much Pride or Ego: This is where you know something in the bedroom just isn’t lining up but your Ego won’t let you fix it. Many people love to feel like they have their shit together when it comes to sex. But the truth is it’s a whole lot of people who are just doing it wrong, because they are too prideful to learn how to do it Right! If she says she doesn’t like the way you eat her pussy, then GET OUT OF YOUR DAMN FEELINGS and learn how to eat it the way she likes it. I know it hurts to hear someone tell you that you are not good at sex or the way you deliver doesn’t do it for them. But at some point you have to women/man up, put your ego aside, and do what it takes to make your lover happy. Because if you don’t, trust me someone else will.
a.If your lover is the one who has a pride or ego problem, I suggest you approach them in a nice way and let them know that you’re unhappy with the sexual experience. If this doesn’t work, then hurt their damn feelings. Sometimes you have to throw a wrecking ball into the building, in order to rebuild a better one that stands on a stronger foundation. Whatever you do, don’t sell yourself short. You deserve a sex life that has you running home from work just to get a taste. If he or she loves you, they will do whatever it takes to make it right.
3.You are outright selfish. This is when you know what the person likes, but you just don’t give a damn. This is worse than a pride issue, because you have entered into a sexual relationship with someone and you have no intention on pleasing them. Just let me say this, what you won’t do the next person will. And not only will they do it, but they’ll love doing it. Don’t be surprised when your lover kicks your selfish ass to the curb!
a.If you are involved with a selfish lover I advise you to run! There is no reason why you should be giving sex to someone who doesn’t give a damn about your sexual needs. Go find you someone who likes you enough to make sure you achieve multiple orgasms every session, and leave that deadbeat alone.
4.You are lazy. I have talked to a lot of people, and one thing there seems to be a consensus on is that no one likes a lazy lay. If you are sucking his dick, you better suck it like it’s a Million Dollar Grand Prize at stake. If you partner has already hit it from the back, you better get on top and give him the ride of his life. If she just finished riding you, you came, but she’s still horny…you better jump back between her legs and eat it like it’s the last supper. The more effort you put in to please your partner, the more they will want to please you. Why? Because they are going to be putting in work to ensure that you don’t take that good loving and give it away to anyone else.
a.If your partner is lazy call them out on it. Hurt his/or her feelings if you have to. Sometimes it takes getting your feelings hurt to realize you are really fucking up and need to do better. Whatever you do, make sure you get satisfied because there’s nothing worse than getting someone else a nut and then having to go to sleep without getting one yourself.
5.You haven’t learned your own body and how to work with and around dysfunctions: this could include Premature Ejaculation, Penis Size or simply your stroke game. If you know you have a real problem like Premature Ejaculation, don’t ignore it. And don’t keep silent about it in hopes that she doesn’t notice it, because trust me SHE WILL! What you should do is discuss it openly with her without shame. Millions of men have this problem, and there is so much info on the internet about how to work with it. I will do a separate article going into to detail about this issue. For now just know that there are numbing creams to help you last longer, delayed gratification tactics that will help you learn how to control your nut, foreplay that fill in the gap while your body regenerates after you ejaculate, pulling out to keep from ejaculating too soon, and also a lot of toys (strap-ons, vibrators etc) that can help her get to where she needs to be despite your problem. If your problem is an average or small penis, then there are flicks and tutorials that can show you what positions will maximize her pleasure as well as toys that can give you those extra inches you might desire. If you have a big penis but don’t know how to use it, there are also tutorials for that. However, the best tutorial is asking questions and finding out what your woman likes. Don’t be the person who lose your lover all because of something that could have been fixed.
a.If your partner hasn’t learned his/her body, then it is your duty to help them. If they are suffering from a real dysfunction, then try not to criticize…especially if they are truly trying to work with it. Instead, use that energy to hit the internet and find solutions. It may seem easier to just jump ship and find someone who is already great in the sex department. But if you are married or in a serious relationship, this person probably possess qualities that are hard to come by outside of the fairytale books. Remember, sex can always be improved; but a good man or woman can’t always be replaced.
(Click HERE to purchase What He Won’t Do-my latest erotica short story for only 0.99cents!)